Why I Got Rid of Tinder

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Tinder is the latest and hippest smartphone application that uses your Facebook to match you up with girls in your area. You look at pictures and swipe right (Yes) or left (No). If you and the girl both swipe right, you can then chat with them and possibly meet up. Basically, it’s “Hot or Not” with a messaging feature.

They call it a “hook up” app.

It’s really easy to set up, you just need a Facebook and a few pictures to get started.

Some guys get laid like gangbusters from it. From what I’ve seen, the girls these guys are banging probably aren’t that high of quality (read: fat or extremely slutty).

———–

On Monday, I nuked my own account. Yeah, I had a bunch of matches but for the most part there was a very low return of investment. Reactivating my Facebook just to give this a go. I figured, why not? I didn’t have anything to lose from it. My messages to my matches were normal ones about one of her pictures or something in her bio. No “sit on my face,” “let’s fuck” or other blatantly propositioning messages

The results

Of my hundred (?) matches, I had a grand total of 3 numbers (one was fake or the girl didn’t respond to my texts) and one date (girl was 20-30 lbs heavier than her pictures). Most of the girls that messaged me first turned out to be bots.

Although, one girl did message me in Italian and wanted to meet up for coffee and conversational practice. For some reason she closed her account or blocked me (wouldn’t understand why though) before I could get her number.

I had some hopes at getting a few dates out of Tinder and possibly meeting some new people at a minimum, but that got dashed fairly quickly. As some of the postings by girls to tinderfessions says anything, most of the girls on there have no actual intention of meeting up. They basically want some attention or validation that they’re attractive. I lost count at the number of girls whose bios have their instagram/twitter/snapchat/kik handles in them. There even was one for a prostitute advertising her prices with text in the pictures.

The best bet with any of these new services is to get in at the beginning when people are using it for its actual purpose. I don’t live in LA, Miami, or NYC, so I can’t comment on how well Tinder works in those larger and more anonymous cities. For Columbus though, Tinder can be useful if you want to put the effort into it.

If you still have a Facebook, give it a shot even if for a laugh.

One Month

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It’s been one hell of an interesting month here in the Manosphere so far.

First there was the Mardi Gras meetup where most of the participants were shafted by their supposed “host.”  I’m curious about the exact details, but none so far have gone into specifics as to how the betrayal went down.  Guess I’ll have to wait for Matt’s book to come out to know the full story.

This past weekend saw the guy that runs Viva La Manosphere exposed as a content stealing hack.  With pretty serendipitous timing to this revelation, Kid Strangelove launched his new no-bias/no-BS Manosphere aggregator yesterday:  Manosphere.com (also follow the automated twitter feed).

Yesterday, Tucker Max surfaced out of the fratire retirement home to partner up with an academic to launch Mating Grounds, where he’s basically putting together an ex novo version of the Manosphere (without the attribution, since we’re “PUA degenerates”).  Danger & Play and LaidNYC have their doubts about this venture.  Jeremy flat-out calls him a liar.  From a guy that basically rejected his past, a past that made him a famous author incidentally, I’m skeptical about his actual motivations for this.

Also, and I had forgotten about this (h/t LaidNYC in the comments), Roosh’s “I got arrested in Poland” hoax. The biggest voice in the Manosphere trolls his readers and supporters for a few hours of cheap laughs. It was, and I’ll say it, stupid and immature since there were many willing to do WHATEVER necessary to help Roosh out. I’ve supported him in the past by buying most of his books, but in the future I may change my mind before clicking “buy” on Amazon.

The funny thing is that all this just happened in the space of a few weeks, and there’s still many more to come until 2014 ends!

If there’s one thing you can say about the Manosphere:  there’s never a dull moment.

Manosphere Omertà

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Omertà is an extreme form of loyalty and solidarity in the face of authority. One of its absolute tenets is that it is deeply demeaning and shameful to betray even one’s deadliest enemy to the authorities. – Omertà, Wikipedia

Cu è surdu, orbu e taci, campa cent’anni ‘mpaci (“He who is deaf, blind, and silent will live a hundred years in peace”). – Sicilian proverb

Omertà is an interesting concept that can and probably should be adopted by many in the Manosphere.  As a code of honor, you don’t betray or talk about your fellow comrade-in-arms to your enemies.

Many guys, including myself, write under pseudonyms and are very protective of their identities.  In the era of HR bitches Googling employees’ names or asking for their Facebook passwords, this is understandable because most have to work a normal 9 to 5 job pay the bills and don’t have the option of being blatantly out in the open.

The topics we write about and the philosophy we want to promote is fairly controversial and overall strange in the eyes of mainstream society.  Although this goes against common-sense and denies reality, you can and probably will lose your job for something you do in your personal time if someone disagrees with what you write.

Question:  “What was probably the main reason why many really good Manosphere blogs have closed up over the years?”

Answer:  The author(s) got outed.

Now it just could be being too fast and loose with detail in their writings (eg. Using a girl’s real name instead of a nickname, exact locations and names of places, recognizable pictures).

Or it could be the most egregious of sins, whereby another Manosphere denizen outs his fellow-man.

I don’t believe this is out of malice though.  From what I’ve observed over the few years I’ve been around, it seems to have been the case of someone “name-dropping” the author’s real name or giving out some other contact information (address, phone number, personal email) without permission.

Again, I reiterate, most of us have normal 9 to 5 jobs and don’t want to jeopardize our livelihood just so someone can gain some internet cred on a forum or comment section.  Don’t be like Joe Valachi, keep your mouth shut.

Nothing is more disheartening than to open up a good blog’s homepage to find either “[URL] is now marked private by the owner” or “[URL] is no longer available.”

———–

A proposal for the rough framework of “Manosphere Omertà”

  • The pseudonymous identity of a Manosphere denizen is sacrosanct, no trying to determine their real name or personal details.
  • If a Manosphere denizen with a pseudonym reveals his real name or personal details to you, you take that information to the grave.  No touting “who you know personally” or that you “know X’s real name.”
  • For those who write under their real name, remember those that write under a pseudonym do so for a reason and that they might have more to lose than you do.
  • The keeping of secrets and staying silent about them should be a point of pride amongst Manosphere denizens.
  • For meetups in real life (small to large), no posting to the internet (Twitter/Facebook/Instagram/Blog, etc) of photos of another Manosphere denizen without explicit permission.  This would prevent our version of “Apalachin” from occurring.
  • Breaking of Omertà is unforgivable.  As the breaker, your honor as a man is forfeit, and any commitments/agreements/pacts that any have with you are rendered null and void.  The breaker will have no appeals for his guilt, as a man’s word is his bond.

Waiting On Weight

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Right around the time I was finally kicking that persistent sinus infection back in August, I noticed I lost some weight.  As a “just in case” measure, I started tracking it when I woke up and when I went to bed.  I also forced myself to increase my food intake by adding morning and afternoon snacks while at work (with EVIL grain-based food).

I told myself that I would go back under the bar once I got close to 145 lbs (also accounting for how my back felt).

It was a slog.  I didn’t even break 140 lbs until late-November.  Eat eat eat, all the time.

Even though I’ve been mostly inactive (a walk after lunch) and sit all day in front of a computer at work, my metabolism still ran hot.  I’d fluctuate up and down, it was slightly irritating.

I was sick of being inactive, so I packed my gym bag to go after work on Monday, 27 January.  Screw having a buffer of “fat” for the newbie gains.  However that didn’t work out the way I planned it though.

I came down with the flu and with all the fun that entailed.

Although I was a bit lucky in that I had minor case of the flu, meaning a low-grade fever, no sore throat and no nausea.  The body aches on the other hand were a bitch.  I didn’t have an uninterrupted night of sleep that entire week I was out sick from work.  All my joints were sore and stiff.  Thank God for ibuprofen though.

So a month later, after an unexpected weight jump up to 143-144 lbs (huzzah!), I’m making a second attempt at getting back in the gym.

Seven pounds and six months later, I’ll be finally going back to the gym to regain the muscle I lost.

8 August 2013 (lbs, morning/night):  136.5/136.5

21 February 2014 (lbs, morning/night):  144.5/144.5

The Marriage Trap

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If you’ve been reading my blog for a while now, you may remember me mentioning my friend Marco and his struggle with justifying/rationalizing his sexual urges with his strict Catholic upbringing.  This guy really struggled with girls, and usually came across as extremely creepy, which didn’t help him at all.  He did have a few girlfriends (so-so looking), but nothing that really lasted.  Marco used to mope when he got out of a relationship.  Him saying “I want to slam my dick in a locker/car door,” was an indication that his latest relationship ended or was just about to end.

What does my friend Marco have to do with the title of this post?  Marco succumbed to the marriage trap by his now wife.

First off, a “marriage trap” is my name for what Roissy calls “The Ultimate Shit Test“:

BEWARE the classic gun-to-the-head marriage pressure administered by your typical non-descript [sic], rudderless late 20′s/early 30′s woman.

When a woman pressures you mercilessly to marry her, bullying to the point of threatening a break up – this is the shit test of ALL shit tests. Treat it as such – If you fail this shit test, you are RUINED. FOR…LIFE..

Basically, a girl you’ve been dating for a while gives you an ultimatum along the lines of “put a ring on my finger, or I walk.”  Essentially you get put into a no-win situation, where either choice you make loses the girl:

  • You buy a ring and propose, she subconsciously declares you weak (shit test failed), undercuts you over time (balls in her purse), and with possible divorce later on.  End result:  You’re miserable (and possibly single)
  • You won’t be pressured and say “hit the bricks”  The girl leaves.  End result:  You’re single (and possibly miserable).

———–

I’m not too sure on the details, since I was MIA for awhile due to my heavy college course-load and part-time job, but Marco ended up meeting and dating this girl he met through some extended social circle link.  I didn’t actually meet her until they’ve been dating for about a year or so.  She wasn’t spectacular looks-wise (a plain-jane 5), thin frame, small tits, blue eyes, brown hair with fair skin.  Honestly, the type of girl who a guy like Marco could get.

Something about her, just seemed…off.  She was overly reserved and composed when we all were out together having a good time and getting a little drunk-rowdy.

Now, I’m a fairly stoic guy, and for me to raise an eyebrow at this forced composure says something.  A red flag shot up, but I kept my mouth shut since it really wasn’t my business (although later Paolo’s wife told me she felt some similar “weirdness,” that “something was off” when interacting with her).

Honestly, I can’t even recall a time where she was either tipsy/drunk or looking like she was having a good time.  Additionally, she wasn’t too keen that Giacomo, Paolo and myself would basically let Marco have a good time when out, even if he wasn’t totally intoxicated at the end.

Again, I didn’t really see these guys a lot, and with me preparing to move down to North Carolina for grad school didn’t let me pass full judgement on her.

Fast forward a few years.

I find out through Facebook that Marco and this girl got engaged.  The wedding date was set for two years later.  I was happy for Marco, and looked forward to the coming open bar and party.

———–

The day of the wedding

Sitting in the church next to Paolo’s wife (my “date” since Paolo was a groomsman), I commented on the girl’s forced smile as she was walking to the altar during the processional.

Beppo (whispering):  “Look at her smile, it looks as if she doesn’t want to be here.  That doesn’t look good.”

Paolo’s Wife (whispering):  “Oh my God, I see that! (frowns)  Just be glad it isn’t you up there.”

Beppo (whispering):  “Oh boy, this can’t bode well for the future.”

The reception later on was a blast, with the only down point being that the promised “top shelf open bar” wasn’t top self at all.  I still got my fill of whiskey in the form of so-so Manhattans.

Note:  She also dropped an “I’m not taking your name” about a week before the wedding.  Neither of them wants kids either.

———–

About a year later I was visiting my parents for the weekend and caught up with Giacomo and Paolo at a local South Buffalo Irish bar.

Beppo:  “Where’s Marco?  I thought he was coming?”

Giacomo:  “Yeah, about that…”

Giacomo and Paolo then filled me in on the details.  Apparently, Marco’s wife cheated on him with one of her coworkers and they were currently going through marriage counseling.  They hadn’t even been married for a full year yet.

Beppo:  “And why isn’t he serving her with papers?  The Church would probably even grant an annulment, unless “adultery” doesn’t count anymore.”

Paolo (shaking head):  “He said he wants to work it out with her.”

Giacomo:  “You think that’s bad, well check this…”

About two weeks previous to our meeting, Marco gave Giacomo a call one night asking if he was home.  He said yes and Marco said he’d be stopping over shortly.  An hour later Marco shows up at Giacomo’s dressed up like he just came from an office party.

Giacomo (puzzled):  “Where’s your car?”

Marco:  “I walked here from [Banquet Hall].”

This place was two miles away from where Giacomo lived.  The fact that he walked over on a not-so-well lit street at night said that something was wrong.  Giacomo had Marco come inside.  Marco opened up about what was the problem after they smoked some pot and had a few beers.

Earlier that evening at the party, Marco told his wife that he still wanted to be with her even if they were going through some rough times, and that he loved her very much.

Her response:  “Well, I don’t know if I can say the same.”

Marco turned around and left.

Can you blame the guy for wanting to walk two miles to a friend’s house after hearing something as crushing as that?

The kicker is that they’re still together.

———–

Marco got really weird after this.  He first got all hardcore into nutrition and health.  Then came the overemphasis on training and fitness to the point of psychosis.  Next he (with the wife) started to do half-marathons and full-marathons, then moving up to ironman-type races.  He also started smoking A LOT of pot.

I’m not even counting the number of times he’s blown me off when I’m visiting Buffalo.  Enough times where I don’t even bother trying to contact him when I’m in Buffalo.  Even Giacomo and Paolo don’t see him that much.

The fact of the matter is that Marco was and is miserable, which is pretty fucking sad if you think about it.

All because he fell into a marriage trap.

Be aware of the trap so you don’t make the same mistake my friend Marco did.

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