In reading through many manosphere blogs, you often hear about the successes and triumphs of the author. For instance, in between banging bikini models, he breaks every single PR in the gym and goes to his location-independent job where he pulls in $10,000 a month for two hours of work.
Entertaining as these stories are, I find that there are few guys that talk about how they fucked up and how they learned from it. I make no bones about the fact that I screw up a lot. Rivelino’s entire blog chronicles both his successes and failures. Krauser also has had a series where he specifically talks about recent failures.
I find that you can learn more from someone’s failure stories than those of successes. Verisimilitude is the key.
Since this blog is a chronicle of both my successes and failures, the story has to be told.
And also, catharsis, because it’s good for the soul.
Disclaimer for the Aspies and online Mega-Alphas: I don’t care if you think that either I’m beta or that it’s beta for writing a long, detailed post on how you fucked up with a girl that you considered “girlfriend material.”
I’ll warn you right now: stop and don’t read any further.
No pedestals were erected during the time period covered.
Location: My Local Corner Bar, Columbus, OH
Time: Friday, 4 October 2013, Around 22:00
I was sitting at the bar as I usually do, nursing an Angry Orchard. My tolerance was still shot to shit from being sick and coupled with the weight-loss, I handled my booze like I was eighteen all over again. Had to make a conscious effort to take it easy or I’d regret it the next day.
A band was playing and there was some sort of game on the TVs. I had plenty to look at to keep myself from getting bored. I don’t go out specifically to meet girls, that’s just a bonus, but more to socialize. Having not been out for some time, I had to “get in the groove” of going out again.
Somewhere around the bottom third of my bottle, this blonde takes the empty stool to my right. I look over, smile at her and then go back to people-watching for a moment. She was cute and by her clothes, I noted she was thin. Two checks in the plus column.
The girl got the attention of one of the bartenders and looked over the drinks menu, finally deciding on an Angry Orchard. She got her cider, took a long pull from the bottle and set it down. Noting that she didn’t get right up meant that she wasn’t going anywhere for a while. I could open at my leisure.
However, the girl leaned over and opened me first.
Blonde: “Hey, are you here alone?”
Beppo: “Yeah. Are you waiting for your girlfriends?”
Blonde: “No, my friends bailed on me tonight, so I figured I’d check this place out.”
Beppo: “It’s an alright place. I’ve come here enough to know.”
Blonde: “Oh, you must live in one of the [Community’s Name] apartment complexes then?”
Beppo: “Well, I used to. Specifically at [redacted], but now I have a condo just down the road. What about you?”
Blonde: “I live at [redacted], just moved there recently.”
Beppo: “Across the street? I’m assuming you didn’t walk here?”
Blonde (smiling): “Well I could’ve!” (giggles) “But, yeah, I didn’t walk here. What’s your name by the way?”
Beppo (sticking hand out): “I’m Beppo, you?”
Blonde (grabbing my hand): “Mia, pleased to meet you!”
Beppo (shaking her hand): Same here.
Note: Mia had a slight resemblance to certain pornstar, hence the name.
We started talking, if you count leaning into each others ear to be heard talking. I had her repeat herself a few times since I didn’t catch what she said. Inwardly frustrated at not hearing her (thanks grad school!) and for some compliance testing, I had her move her stool closer to mine until there was no gap between us. An outside observer would have seen a guy leaning back with his arms crossed, talking over his shoulder to a girl leaning into his ear. Textbook.
Now, she had put her iPhone on the bar in front of her but didn’t immediately pounce on it when the screen or the LED on the back flashed (another plus). During a pause in our conversation she’d check it, occasionally reply and then re-lock the screen. I marked this as a plus, but still raised an eyebrow.
Beppo: “You expecting a text from your boyfriend or something?
Mia: “No. I don’t have a boyfriend.”
Beppo (raised eyebrows): “Really? A girl as cute as you? I don’t believe you’re single.”
Hat-tip to Danny for the line.
Mia (dropping eyes): “But it’s true though, I don’t have a boyfriend.”
Beppo (disbelieving smirk): “Alright, if you say so.”
She smiled and we talked for a little while longer about random stuff, mostly stuff about her job as a OR nurse. Later, it ended up that we were standing behind our stools.
Mia: “Do you like to dance Beppo?”
Beppo (shaking head): “Not so much, usually I have to be very drunk to dance.”
Mia: “Well, I’m gonna go dance…”
I had no desire to dance, and didn’t want to make a fool of myself.
Beppo: “Will you be coming back?”
She smiled and shrugged.
Beppo: “Alright, more specific. Will you come back to me?”
Mia: “I’m not going home with you tonight, if that’s what you mean. I’ll give you my number though.”
The “I’m never having sex with you” or “you’re creepy” subtext wasn’t there. So I audibled. Leading her to a more lit and less loud part of the bar, I got my phone out.
Beppo: “Okay. What’s your number?”
Beppo: “You seem cool. I’d like to see you again if possible.”
Mia (smiling): “Yeah, I’d like that too.”
Beppo: “I’ll text you Sunday and we’ll figure out something during the week.”
Mia (smiling): “Sounds good.”
We were facing each other at this point and I was looking deep into her eyes. Slowly, I moved in for a kiss. She gave me a cheek with a slight smile. Feeling amused, I moved back and smiled. Gave her a hug and bade her goodnight.
Due to some availability issues because of her work schedule and with my parents visiting me for Columbus Day weekend, I wasn’t able to set up a date with Mia until almost two weeks later.
Mia (10/15/13 11:21): I finally have a real day off tomorrow tho
Beppo (10/15/13 11:26): Cool. Would tonight or tomorrow night be better for you?
Mia (10/15/13 11:27): For what?
Beppo (10/15/13 11:29): To grab a drink.
Mia (10/15/13 11:35): I’m not sure. So I will let you know.
And with that vague non-committal text, radio silence.
The next day I was sitting on my couch reading when my phone chirped.
Mia (10/16/13 18:48): I ended up working 9-3 today then had a massage appt. just got home. Sry I didn’t get ahold of you sooner.
Beppo (10/16/13 18:52): Still like to meet up for a drink?
Mia (10/16/13 18:53): Well I already had a drink here at home.
Mia (10/16/13 18:54): I shouldn’t drive anywhere. Lol
I half expected her to say she needed to “wash her hair” or was “too tired to go out” at this point. Shaking my head, I responded.
Beppo (10/16/13 18:55): I’ll pick you up.
Mia (10/16/13 18:55): If you want.
Beppo (10/16/13 19:00): I’ll come get you at 8, sound good?
Mia (10/16/13 19:01): Sounds good
I had her text me her address and then jumped in the shower. Arriving at her apartment a little after 8:00; Mia smiled at me when she opened the door.
Beppo: “Hey. Ready to go?”
We talked as I drove us to a nice Irish bar in downtown Dublin. I got a draft Smithwick’s and Mia scanned the menu, deciding on some fruit-flavored beer.
From there were just started talking, basic get-to-know-you stuff. I made sure to have her talk a lot about herself, which was easy since I was genuinely interested in what she did as a nurse. She smiled a lot, laughed and playfully hit me a couple of times when I teased her. Textbook first date game. A couple of times I fell back on the old “Her reply -> Statement -> Question” routine to keep things flowing.
After finishing our second round of drinks, we closed out our individual tabs and left the bar. I took her hand as we were crossing the street to the parking lot. My loins stirred when she squeezed my hand back. So far so good, she was into me.
I knew I’d be kissing Mia when I dropped her off, the question was if she’d invite me into her apartment. As always when I go out, I had a condom in my pocket, because you never know. I have missed out on a notch previously since I wasn’t “prepared for rain” that night, but that’s another story altogether.
During the drive back we chatted and this one exchange stood out:
Mia: “(…) and I think you’d get along really well with [Girlfriend’s Name], you’re alike in a lot of ways.”
Beppo: “Oh? So you want to introduce me to your friends?”
Mia (beaming): “Hell yeah I do!”
As I parked in front of her building and shut off the engine, there was no hesitation on her part. We got out of the car and I followed her inside of her place. No “you can come in for a minute” from her or a sleazy “can I use your bathroom” line from me. Although, I actually had to use the bathroom, so it wouldn’t have been a lie if I said it.
Mia had a very tidy apartment. Her bed was made and the bathroom didn’t look like shit. I nodded to myself as I washed my hands. Another check in the plus column. Walking back into the living room/kitchen area, I saw her pouring a glass of wine. I took off my glasses and raised my eyebrows. She stuck her tongue out at me.
Mia: “I start work later than you!”
Beppo (laughing): “That you do! Is that the wine you were telling me about earlier?”
Mia: “Yes. Would you like to try it?”
I moved in front of her, accepting the offered glass and taking a drink. It wasn’t bad, sweet but not too sweet. We were facing each other with Mia leaning back on the counter. I set the glass down and closed the remainder of the small gap between us. She had a slight smile on her face as I put my hands on her waist and her eyes spazzed slightly when I leaned in to kiss her.
She didn’t turn away this time. Her arms went up to my chest and we made out for a little bit. I broke the kiss and looked into her eyes.
Mia (hesitantly): “I feel I don’t know you very well…”
Beppo: “What do you want to know?”
Mia: “I don’t know, something about yourself.”
Beppo: “Ask me something, then I’ll answer it.”
Mia: “Like what? I can’t think of a question! Tell me something…pleeeeaaase.”
Beppo (slight smirk): “Alright, alright…I’m gainfully employed, I love my Mom and Dad, and I wear nice clothes (usually).”
She laughed at that and buried her head in my chest, then laying on my shoulder. I stroked her hair for a moment then raised her chin with my hand to kiss her again.
The rest of the night was more of the same on her couch. We’d make out, talk for a bit, she’d lean on my shoulder, I’d eyefuck her and the cycle would begin anew. If she was conscious of my erection, she didn’t let on about it. What’s the worst that could happen, she knows I find her attractive? The horrors!
It was getting late and I did have to get up to go to work in the morning, so I grabbed my stuff, put on my shoes and looked back at Mia. She was smiling. I kissed her again.
Mia: “You have to get up early.”
Beppo: “I know. I want to see you again.”
Mia smiled and nodded.
Beppo (smiling): “Great. Goodnight, Mia.”
Mia (smiling): “Goodnight, Beppo.”
One last embrace and I walked out the door. Only to go home to remedy a terrible, painful case of blueballs.
Location: La Casa di Venerdì, Columbus, OH
Time: Monday, 21 October 2013, Around 23:00
Mia and I had gone to go shoot pool at the only hall that was close to my place. The one I’ve been to multiple times before closed up earlier this year. She was as bad at the game as she told me earlier. After about an hour or so, we were looking to leave. Mia went to the bathroom and I paid up for the table and drinks. I drove us back to my place and we chatted or made out on my couch while Dean Martin sang virtual duets in the background. The CD eventually ended.
Mia: “…The music stopped.”
Beppo: “I know. (standing up) Come on.”
Beppo: “Someplace more comfortable.”
She took my hand and I led her to my bedroom and onto my bed. I wanted to push as far towards sex as I could, backing off when I encountered actual resistance from her. We began kissing, with me exploring her lips, face and neck with my kisses. Her breathing was getting heavier and she was responding more to my kisses and caresses. It took a little bit of effort initially to get her shirt off, but I managed it. She unbuttoned my shirt, I took it off and we went back at it for a while.
Shortly after I unsnapped her strapless bra one-handed (a worthy skill to perfect), I was finally on top of a half-naked Mia. She then got shy and turned slightly, pressing her small but firm breasts into me. For some reason, I’m always pleasantly surprised at how soft a girl’s skin is. It’s a sensation that always brings a twinkle to my eyes and a slight smile to my lips.
A little later we were laying with me on my back and Mia in my arms. I was rebuffed the two times I moved to undo her jeans, so there was the wall. No sex tonight. To be honest, I didn’t mind since I wasn’t in a hurry. My dick disagreed to that.
Mia was absently stroking my chest while I was caressing her stomach and lower back. She looked up at me.
Mia (smiling): “You just stole second base.”
Beppo: “Wait…(goes over mnemonic in head: ‘French, Fondle, Finger, Fuck’)…yeah, I guess you’re right. Haven’t heard that since High School.”
She giggled, kissed me and laid her head on my shoulder. I stroked her hair. Glancing at my clock-radio on my nightstand, I kissed Mia’s forehead.
Beppo: “It’s getting late, I should take you home.”
Mia gave me a peck on the lips and then sat up. I teased her when she covered her breasts with her arms after getting off of the bed. She laughed and we got dressed. I drove her home, gave her a kiss and said goodnight. As I was walking up my stairs to my living room, my phone chirped.
Mia (10/22/2013 1:07): You might need a nap tomorrow 😉
I smiled and did a mental appraisal of Mia. She ticked a lot of the plus boxes and I thought to myself “I’d like to date this girl.” I did a mental double-take and thought through again, coming to the same conclusion a second time. Outside of the sexual side of the calculation, Mia was girlfriend material. Although I still needed to have full carnal knowledge of her in order to actually move forward with that conclusion. Feeling content, I went to bed not caring that the coming workday was going to be a long and tiring one.
A couple of days later, I texted Mia about watching a movie and drinking some wine. I was just looking for a low-key night. Yeah, I know, two dates a couple of days apart might sound thirsty or beta, but she has the right of first refusal. Mia was into me and I genuinely wanted to spend time with her. Also, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Mia (10/24/13 20:17): Okay. I should be good by 9. If I hurry anyway. Lol
Beppo (10/24/13 20:18): Take your time.
Mia (10/24/13 20:21): Can I set something straight please…
Beppo (10/24/13 20:22): What is it?
Mia (10/24/13 20:24): I’m not going to have sex with you. I really would like if you didn’t come on so strong. It makes me a bit uncomfortable. Just had to tell you. I need to know you a lot better before that is even considered. I don’t mean anything negative by telling you this but I don’t want to feel pressure.
A normal, lesser man would be angry at this point, I am not one of those. I had the confidence that she was into me, so I had no worries. It wasn’t that big a deal (my dick disagreed).
Beppo (10/24/13 20:25): No problem, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. I’d still like to see you though.
Mia (10/24/13 20:26): I think you are a nice guy and I like you. And most guys can’t help it. But I just have to say whoa. Lol
Mia (10/24/13 20:27): That’s fine. Is like for you to come watch a movie.
Mia (10/24/13 20:27): It will be fun. Bring your fun factor 🙂
I was fairly straight-up that I found her physically attractive and I did push fairly hard, so I wasn’t surprised she threw up a STOP sign. That she was careful with whom she slept with was an overall positive trait.
[Note: Mia had a couple of older brothers, was from a small town and she had a bible in a nice leather cover sitting next to her reading/lounging chair. I gathered she was traditional to some extent, or at a minimum not impulsive.]
Anyways, I had to figure out what I was going to do. Try to push for sex? Or, just back off sexually and just enjoy her company? The latter option seemed to best choice and my dick reluctantly agreed. Just put a night of comfort in, and go with the flow. Nodding, I grabbed a spare bottle of White Merlot from my shelf and drove over to Mia’s apartment.
Mia greeted me at her door with a smile. She was wearing pajama pants and a tight t-shirt but was slightly done up (freshly showered, perfume, dry hair combed and pinned up in places). It wasn’t sloppy and all in all, I thought she looked cute.
After I popped the cork and poured two glasses of wine we sat down on her couch to figure out what to watch. Since she had Netflix, I suggested we watch a few episodes of the BBC TV show “Coupling.”
She’d never seen the show and was laughing throughout the first two episodes. It was a laid-back night. I put my arm around her and she scooted over to lay on my shoulder.
After fixing a freeze in her blue ray player due to pausing Netflix too long, I refilled our glasses while Mia made popcorn. We moved from the couch to her more comfortable reclining reading chair to watch another episode. She snuggled into me again, looking up to give me a kiss and squeezing my hand when I put my arm around her.
We watched another episode and made out for a bit after it ended. I left Mia’s later on feeling good, with hopeful outlook for this budding relationship.
I guess I backed off a little bit, a ping text and short conversation on Saturday where she really wasn’t giving me anything to work with. For the most part, it made me feel kind of weak that I was basically sending questions for her to respond to. I texted first pretty much every time. Bad game on my part, but she maybe wasn’t a texter. Or it was something else…
Beppo (10/30/13 14:12): Hang out later?
Mia (10/30/13 14:17): I’m gonna be honest. I like you but I don’t really think we have enough in common to date. I tried a few dates because I thought, maybe, but I think we really are way to different. I would like to be your friend tho!
I was sitting in my office at work when I got that text. The first thing I felt was a flash of anger. She could decide we have nothing in common after three dates? Just my goddamn luck. Fuck me. Taking a deep diaphragm breath, I felt the anger leave me as I exhaled. My racing heart betrayed my nervousness though.
I started to reply, deleted it, started again and deleted that too. Putting my phone aside, I went back to do some work, mentally composing what I would say in order not to sound angry or butthurt. Finishing what I was in the middle of when my phone chirped, I typed out my reply:
Beppo (10/30/13 14:32): That’s a snap judgement when we’re still technically getting to know each other.
Beppo (10/30/13 14:33): But if that’s how you feel, I understand.
Beppo (10/30/13 14:33): I’d like to be friends too.
While I did get a slight dig in, there was no response from Mia. No “great”, “I’m glad you understand” or ” 🙂 “. Nothing. I was perplexed. Was this just her being skittish or was it the real thing?
I held off until a week later, to see if I could talk to her about it if possible. That got squashed decisively:
Mia (11/6/2013 16:04): I meant what I said. I still feel the same.
Well, that was that. Am I bummed about it not working out with Mia? Yeah, she was a great girl. Am I completely shattered by it? No, I’m not. Hell, if I came to the same conclusion as she did, I probably would have broken it off too.
Honestly, I’ve been trying to type this out for almost a month now (first draft began on 14 November) and I can’t think of anything else I could comment on. So, I’m just going to end it here and if you have anything to add or have advise for the next girl, leave a comment.