Right When You Need It

Ace’s posts tend to not be that long. There are times when he writes something that addresses your current situation perfectly.

Yesterday’s post was one of them.

I’ve mentioned Redhead on here a few times, and hinted at the internal frustration over this limbo I’m in with her. I understand her reservations and reasons why she’s hesitant at dating again. Hell, I would probably be doing the same thing if I was in her shoes.

What kills me though, is the uncertainty. Uncertainty in the “what am I to her?” vein.

When we see each other, we talk. “Getting to know you” type of stuff like family, life, and work. She’s real friendly and is telling me about herself. I gently tease her every once-in-awhile, which brings either a laugh or a smile to her face. She even told me the story (abridged) about why she’s holding off on “getting back out there”.

Now since I’ve asked her out*, I’ve been very upfront with the fact that I like her. I’ve even told her so**. While she isn’t actually “ghosting” or “flaking” per se, she might as well be.

It doesn’t feel like she’s stringing me on though, and I should know what that looks like.

Ace says that all you can do when it seems as if a girl has disengaged emotionally is to clean you home. You have no control over what she feels. Trying to regain her attention will have the effect of her sending you packing.

The post showed me that I have been doing the “correct” thing for the past few months.

Trying to get her attention – at this juncture – is a fool’s errand.

She’ll either write you off as desperate (at best) or creepy (at worst).

So take care of yourself.

Sanitize your surroundings.

Freshen (in every sense of the word) your environment.

There’s no downside to this course of action.

1} It clears the path for friends and visitors, new and old.

2} It helps clear your own head.

3} It prevents you from hating yourself and your station, if only a little, that much more.

4} It keeps you from obsessing over mistakes, missteps and self-doubt.

5} Lastly, and importantly, it keeps you from digging the hole between you and she even deeper.

Thus, get to work and let her go… to flee or return.

I knew this as truth, and was glad I’ve respected the boundary she’s put up for the time being. I can’t force her change her mind and I also can’t make her like me.

I still have my armor on,” she told me one evening after we walked back from the fitness center in my complex.

But, she has lowered her shield and has never drew her sword.

We’ll have to see what happens.

*[Immediate and enthusiastic “Yes!” when I did so]
**[No “That’s nice, but…” or “I don’t feel the same way…” when I said that to her]

What Exactly Were You Doing In High School?

Not a day goes by where I come across yet another whinge-fest comparing High School to a prison. Nowhere do I see in these screeds where the author themselves tried to make the best of the situation. It’s pure complaining and whining.

It dawned on me recently, these people didn’t do anything to better themselves.

Oh, sure, they were a “rebel” who “unfairly” got in trouble for arguing with their dumb-dumb teachers. However, there is one question that can be asked of this. If High School was “like a prison“, implying it was easy, why didn’t you coast through it with high grades? All while bettering yourself?

I’ll make a prediction that the loudest complainers actually did the least in school. You know the type: they took only the required classes. They had days where they had more than one study hall. They didn’t do sports and weren’t in any clubs. They didn’t sing or play an instrument. They didn’t challenge themselves with honors or AP classes. They abhorred “electives” like photography, shop, or mechanical drawing. They were a body in a seat that didn’t want to be there.

Before the comments section lights up in “But, this!” and “Exception, that!” or “My teachers were (or are) all idiots!” I’ll give you a piece of life advice: A lot of people in the world are morons. Some will be in positions of authority over you. Guess what? You’ll have to learn to deal with it. Give them what they want.

(As an aside: If half of these guys hate other people as much as they claim to, why don’t they eat a bullet and end it all?)

Your teacher might be dumber than you. Big deal. While you might gain a small bit of smug satisfaction from arguing successfully with them, at what cost though? By prolonging your day in “your prison” with detention? Or having them mark you down continually because you’re “difficult”?

Give them what they want.

While you’re giving them what they want, you work on bettering yourself. Read good books. Learn about a topic that interests you. Go out for a sports team. Join a club. Take an art class. Do the school play or musical. Work towards a future-based you.

For me, High School was a joke. I found it to be not that difficult at all. Having said that, I never viewed it with vitriolic hatred to call it a “prison“. I learned at an early age that arguing with your teachers was a waste of time. I learned to “smile and nod” and go with the flow.

I did my homework.

I got grades that allowed me to later take six AP classes; earning enough college credit to enter university as a second semester Freshman.

I did sports in soccer, wrestling, and track.

I continued my life-long love of singing by being in the lower and later the upper chorus.

I constantly read books that weren’t assigned by the teacher.

I was always looking to learn something new, which is much easier nowadays with the Internet.

The point is that I didn’t go full difficult contrarian asshole, disliked by everyone. I didn’t brag about getting D’s and F’s because I was angry I couldn’t be home playing videogames all day.

Were there days where I hated school? Sure. Did I wish sometimes I could just stay home to play videogames or watch TV instead of going to class? Of course.

I am a human being with feelings, after all.

In short this whole “High School is a prison!” argument is identical to the “Woe is me! Why can’t I find high IQ friends to talk to!” complaint. The advice for these problems is the same: Grow up and learn to live in the real world. Learn to deal with it, and make the best of the situation.

The Venerdi Podcast – Episode #43

In this week’s episode of “The Venerdi Podcast,” I talk about why I recorded a day late and segue into a rant about how today’s singers suck in comparison to those of the 1940’s. I then ramble about the Hollywood myth of the “Hot and Smart STEM Girl,” and end with answering a couple of questions from listeners.

Listen below at the following link:
The Venerdi Podcast – Episode #43

Go here and paste the video’s URL there if you want a mp3 to listen to on your music player of choice.

Music Credits
Intro: “Il Canto degli Italiani” (Goffreddo Mameli/Michele Novaro)
Outro: “Giuseppe” (Antonio Zimmerman)